Padre Mickey's Dance Party: Reaching New Heights in Boredom: Happy Holidays Edition

It's true that I pander to my audience; how else can one explain Friday Red Mr. Peanut Bank and Gallito Mescalito Blogging? If I run late and don't post before 7:00 p.m. I start receiving grumpy emails from people going through "shriek" withdrawls. But I also like to test my audience, writing long posts about saints and throwing in the occasional rude comment about a character in the story just to see if anyone actually reads the entire post (Aghaveagh ALWAYS reads the entire post and comments on the little nasties! Quit whining, I know you do, too). Today we will really test you with the Fake Christmas Tree Assembly Post.

When we lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, well, when we lived in the South Bay, we always went on the Family Christmas Tree Hunt, which is quite similar to the Family Pumpkin hunt which I described in October, illustrated with photos of the World's Most Beautiful Granchile™. All my siblings and my nieces and nephews and the Lovely Mona and Tara and Anne and I and my folks would all pile into station wagons and head for the Santa Cruz mountains, where we would visit the Christmas Tree Farm on Black Mountain Road. My mother was a member of the Flower Guild, so she was assigned to find two trees for their church, in addition to the tree for mom and dad. The rest of us were hunting for our own trees. Just as with Pumpkin Hunting, no weapons are necessary, as tree are even less inclined to run away than are pumpkins. The process is simple: hike all over the dang farm, looking at trees and hollering at the little ones. If you find a tree you like, assign a child to stand there, while you go and look for something better. Once all the children are lost, go looking for them and finally settle on one of those trees. Pull out the saw, attempt to saw down the tree while everyone advises you and you return the favor when it's their turn. Drag the trees to the cars, complaining that the best trees are always seventy miles from the parking lot. Tie the trees to the cars and head back down the hills into the valley. Spend your time at home pondering the mysteries of Pine Sap and how you will ever get it off of your hands. When we lived in Berkeley we drove to the Tree Lot and paid way too much for a tree.

One may purchase Christmas Trees here in Panamá, usually at El Rey, the supermarket, as illustrated at Tía Sue’s Blog. The trees come from Canada, and I think that they are way too dry (Tía Sue and I disagree on this point and discuss it every year. That's how it is with family), and when we lived in Paraíso on the edge of the Tropical Forest, I just couldn't bring myself to drag a dying tree into the house. So, I bought an artificial tree at the Do-it Center. No fresh pine scent, but no sticky pine sap, either! It can't be too bad a tree; when Oonie and Kenny were staying with us their kitties would sit in the tree. Yeah, I know, we could have a Living Tree and move it back outside, but the Lovely Mona is a vegetarian, and plants don't do well in the houses of vegetarians, probably because they are afraid they will be eaten. Plus, I don't wanna have a live tree in the house, so there! I likes it the fake tree 'cuz I haven't had to buy a tree in ages. Of course, it will stay here if and when we return to the U.S., but for right now it works fine. And now, a Photo Essay on the Assembly of The Artificial Christmas Tree. Remember, this is taking place in the Tropics, so the floor fan is a very important aspect of the entire operation.


Fake branches strewn across the floor. As you can see, this is a delicate operation, and that is why Señorita Chompita Wiggletail is supervising.


We start with the Pole and first layer of "branches"


The Second layer of "branches"


The Third and Fourth Layers have been attached


We're almost there!


Finished! A completed tree and its biggest fan


Throw the lights on it! Chompita (seen in the background) and I have done our part; now the Lovely Mona must adorn the tree with our Delightful Christmas Ornaments


Oooo, Christmasy! But not all of the lights work. Oh well, I guess we'll wait for a Christmas Miracle


Here Endeth The Boring Post
Thanks be to God!