Friday, June 15, 2007

Tonight, on a Very Special Friday Red Mr. Peanut Bank and Gallito Mescalito Blogging...


Once more the World Wide Anglican Communion has provided us with the story for Friday Red Mr. Peanut Bank and Gallito Mescalito Blogging.
AMiA and CANA have their own missionary bishops, the bishop of Bolivia and the bishop of Argentina have been sweeping up parishes in the U.S. and Brasil, and now ACK (!) wants to get in on the act. Well, we of The Real Live Orthodox Episcopal Anglican Protestant Catholic Pentecostal Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian Church of All the Americas and Actually the Entire Globe; Yeah, that's Right, We Include the Global South, the Global North AND the Global Center, So Where Else Ya Gonna Go? also known as the RLOEAPCPEFCCAAAEGYRWIGSGNAGCSWEYGG or The True, Really, I Mean It, Church™ are not going to miss out on establishing our own franchise! We have heard the cries of the faithful throughout the world, begging us to come and save them from perhaps having to meet someone with a different theological understanding or with icky personal practices, and we can not remain deaf to their pleas! Our Primados (Photo 1), His Most Shriekiness, the Rt. Rev. Gallito Mescalito, and His Holiness, the Rt. Rev. Red Mr. Peanut Bank, Bishop of All Legumes and Vegetables, in their infinite wisdom, have realized that there is money to be made that the faithful need protecting, and they have elected (the vote for each new bishop was two for, none against) and consecrated seven new bishops to bring the True Gospel of Relative Inclusion™ to those languishing in well-off parishes with great endowments amongst the apostates and heretics of most of the World Wide Anglican Communion. Most of you are familiar with the teachings of The Real Live Orthodox Episcopal Anglican Protestant Catholic Pentecostal Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian Church of All the Americas and Actually the Entire Globe; Yeah, that's Right, We Include the Global South, the Global North AND the Global Center, So Where Else Ya Gonna Go? also known as the RLOEAPCPEFCCAAAEGYRWIGSGNAGCSWEYGG or The True, Really, I Mean It, Church™, and those who have yet to hear the truth may learn The True Doctrine here. The True Gospel of Relative Inclusion™ is the latest revelation of His Most Shriekiness, the Rt. Rev. Gallito Mescalito. Let him explain it in his own words: "Shriek, shriek shriieeek. Shriieeeeek shriieeeeeek. ¡SHRIEK! ¡SHRIEK! ¡¡SHRIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!!"
His Holiness, the Rt. Rev. Red Mr. Peanut Bank, Bishop of All Legumes and Vegetables, explains it in this way: "The Lord calls everyone to repentance and to inclusion in God's Church. However, there are some folks one simply doesn't want to be seen with. Did you know that there are people in the United States who voted for George W. Bush and have yet to repent for this? There are even some who are proud of having voted for Ronald Reagan and have yet to repent for that!! Do you want unrepentant folks like that sitting next to you in church? I don't think so! The True Gospel of Relative Inclusion allows such people into our congregations, but we are ordered to shun them during Coffee Hour."
Let's meet the new Missionary Bishops of the RLOEAPCPEFCCAAAEGYRWIGSGNAGCSWEYGG:
Photo 2 The Rt. Rev. Chompy's Chewed-up Squeaky Kitty Toy, Missionary Bishop to West Africa.
Photo 3 The Rt. Rev. Egyptian Hippo of Love, Missionary Bishop to Central Africa.
Photo 4 The Rt. Rev. Bunrab, the Filthiest Toy in the House, Missionary Bishop to North America And Points Beyond, with a Very Special Mission to Virginia.
Photo 5 The Rt. Rev. Wooden Kuna Doll, Missionary Bishop to the Southern Cone and Las Malivinas, with a Very Special Mission to Bolivia and Argentina.
Photo 6 The Rt. Rev. Diablito Sucio, Missionary Bishop to Singapore and All Asia
Photo 7 The Rt. Rev. Señor Cantinero and the Rt. Rev. Señor Manantial, (Las Gamelas) Missionary Bishops to Western Europe and Eastern Europe, respectively.
Photo 8 Another Group Of Bishops Not Going To Lambeth!







As always, anyone can become a Major Player in our Church, with whatever title one desires, simply by presenting our Primados with a Certified Cheque for only $500,000.00 (U.S.), made out to Christ's Anglican Safe Haven, or CASH. Remember, We Are The True, Really, I Mean It, Church™

30 comments:

MadPriest said...

I'm convinced. Do you have an address I can send all my money to?

Mary Clara said...

The link to the doctrines doesn't seem to work!

Caminante said...

Priceless. What else is there to say?

Padre Mickey said...

Link is now fixed.

David Charles Walker said...

To my great dismay, The Rt. Rev. Diablito Sucio, Missionary Bishop to Singapore and All Asia, has already made contact in Long Beach. Is California now considered part of All Asia? It seems that we both have the same dentist, and he is trying to get me un-invited to my next appointment. I have made no bones about the fact that I have been known to floss and that some of my best friends are flossers as well. His Scalliness, however, is most definitely not a flosser. There is, he maintains, no justification for it in the ancient Book of Darwin. I'm not sure what to do. He may get me expelled from Delta Dental! Help me.... please.

Anonymous said...

I believe. I've always believed. I believed when there was nothing and then God created something out of noth'n...then I knew I was right to believe against all hope...this time I know that others believe what I believe and the True Gospel of Relative Inclusion is RIGHT for me!

I'm not going to question wisdom anymore...I been revealed upon personally...not me, the non-doubter, not me the loyal believer in non-substance stuff, I now believe what I must believe! Thanks to the RLOEAPCPEFCCAAAEGYRWIGSGNAGCSWEYGG belief system. You've done it Padre. You gott'n me to believe in what both God and YOU no longer wish to conceal before our eyeballs...you've entrusted all of the "thems" with the sacred knowledge of what the few knew....I always knew it would come to this...I feel elated and embraced for believing before there was the
RLOEAPCPEFCCAAAEGYRWIGSGNAGCSWEYGG to believe in...where do I go for my fitting? The check is in the male, er, mail.

This is the funniest thing I've ever read...thank you, thank you, thank you for taking me into your world of salvation at any speed!

Christs Anglican Safe Haven will rule today, tomorrow and forever and ever!

Don't tell anybody, now that I've been made a Primate..okey? (I'll pay more if you make me in charge of the "repent or be dismembered" covet design committee...hee, hee, hee...oh, where to start)...true believing is my middle name.

His Gracelessness,

Valdimere Von Fuentestenango
Arcbishop of Southern/Central Meanieville and Bishop of Doomsberg

Anonymous said...

BTW, *this* David Charles Walker is a imposter for the *real* David Charles Walker...how do I know? You must be kidding, David Charles Walker, I mean the REAL David Charles Walker has perfect teeth and hardly needs to pay Delta Dental squat!

So there!

I've begun to unravel the rabble!

Yours in the fellowship of wayward witchunts and investments for vestments, I remain, your loyal and trustworthy associate,

The Venables Smiley Alloy Yankerscrotch Grabumups

David Charles Walker said...

ooooo.... Anon, anon, Your Gracelessness,

As the CSI theme song croons: "Whooooo are you?" And how would you know about my teeth without err... intimate... knowledge?

Waiting with baited breath (no... wait a minute... it's His Scaliness who has the baited breath) for a revelatory experience. If you really are an Archbishop in RLOEAPCPEFCCAAAEGYRWIGSGNAGCSWEYGG or The True, Really, I Mean It, Church™, then it follows that The Truth Will Be Revealed... and Will Set Me Free.

Anonymous said...

I'm so please that The Rt. Rev. Bunrabs "good side" is now identifiable...spread the word.

Herman de Pila Norte.

Arqitectomo of "Images"

(no shape too great/silence is Golden and we honor our clients confidentiality).

Aghaveagh said...

Ah have heard the Word, and the Word is "Shriek, shriek shriieeek. Shriieeeeek shriieeeeeek. ¡SHRIEK! ¡SHRIEK! ¡¡SHRIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!!"

Hallelujah! Amen! Brothers and Sisters, Say "Amen'!!!

Ack Oop.

Anonymous said...

David, I'm so happy that you've shown up here where they have been talking about you, kicking around your dental treatments and acting all madlike and nutso...now, I know it's the real you because YOU are so identifiable (without dental x-rays) and anyone, who *is* anyone recognizes authentic dental work worn by real people when it blogs...now, I am very sorry to hear that Bishop Diablito Sucio has crossed Diocesean boundries but ALL of the Sucio's are known for dirty tricks (yes, even the members in good standing). I guess it's more a genetic thingie than a intentional challenge or hurful personal attack...but, wise as you are, it's good you nipped this
prophylaxis take-over in the bud!

Bessings to you and yours,

Leonardo Ricardo, devoted pal and defender of whatever it is you may want me to defend.

I vote no just in case *they* are lurking.

Mary Clara said...

Great steps forward here, Padre. The new doctrine of Relative Inclusion(TM)is a real stroke of genius, combining as it does the two equally scandalous, hysteria-inducing and schism-provoking principles of 'inclusiveness' and 'relativism'.

Does my (five-dollar) ordination in the Universal Life Church qualify me as a candidate for Bishop in The True, Really, I Mean It, Church(TM)? If so, I shall get to work raising the $500K.

The mitres are very tasteful. I like the Easter-egg colors, which harmonize nicely when all the primates are assembled for their group portrait. (No doubt our wonderful colleague and fashion arbiter PeaceBang would approve.) Speaking of the group photo, though, I do have one question, and I am not sure how to put this politely. Is the Rt. Rev. Bunrab, The Filthiest Toy in the House, Missionary Bishop to North America and Points Beyond, er, um, *humping* the Rt. Rev. Egyptian Hippo of Love, Missionary Bishop to Central Africa? If so, is there an implicit teaching being enacted here which in due course will be articulated in the form of a doctrinal statement issued by His Holiness and His Shriekiness, and assented to by all the faithful?

Matty Boy said...

Did you get a special deal on mini-mitres?

Mini-mitres: 25 centavos a dozen while supplies last!

Bishop up your church sumpin' nasty! Amaze your friends and confound the heretics!

R said...

Do I get the special deal on mini-miters before I join with the $500,000 initiation fee?

Is consecration extra?

Grandmère Mimi said...

Padre, this is all very fine and good, and even funny, but then you had to go too far, stretch the boundaries, exceed the limits. We cannot, we simply cannot have a bishop called Diablito. A name change is in order. Of course, he'll need a bit of cosmetic surgery, too. A nip here, and a tuck there and a touch of make-up should do it.

Otherwise, the new church seems made for me, right down my alley, up my street. Why it even floats my boat and turns me on.

Tracie said...

I have one thing to say about this post:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v112/lovehound/Blogstuff/00072qeg.jpg

::grin::

muthah+ said...

aaayyyiiii, 'mano. No tienes respecto! Que hijo? Tu madre, la iglesia de la Verdadera anglicana, sufre pero es mejor porque de la verdad.

Saint Pat said...

Wonderful, wonderful! I can't wait to get my own mitre. I'm saving up money as fast as I can!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Padre Mickey said...

I apologise to everyone. Some nut-case who has posted the same crap at PRELUDIUM posted some terrible stuff here. I just returned from a concert with the youth choir to find this trash. It has been removed.
We are willing to tolerate a lot of stuff here at the Dance Party, and I don't mind opposing views, but this was simply basura.
Once again, I apologise.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Padre Mickey said...

That person was no where near the truth. And, obviously, you wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the butt. I think you would be much happier hanging around David Virtue's sorry blog. If you show up again, I will continue to delete your sorry comments.
I'm praying for you.

David Charles Walker said...

Creatures like this are like animals who poop on another's turf just to say "I was here!" Or like taggers who apparently can't tolerate a beautiful place and feel the need to mess it up.

Thanks, Padre, for bringing out the broom and mop.

Matty Boy said...

Maybe some day I'll be an important blogger like Padre Mickey and Princess Sparkle Pony and get my very own insane commenters. I don't even get the crazy on my posts on Smirking Chimp.

Now I'm feeling all left out and stuff.

David Charles Walker said...

There is is again. Anybody got a pooper-scooper?

What a complete jerk!!!!!

David Charles Walker said...

Oh....

Thanks again, Padre, for the cleanup.

Padre Mickey said...

I may have to moderate comments as did Mark Harris when this wanker, I mean, prophet, posted the same junk at his site.
I really don't want to moderate comments. Maybe someone else will attract this sad person's ire.

The AoM said...

Very nice, Padre.

Huzzah!

Padre Mickey said...

The Dance Party is fine as it is. Go start your own blog and voice your concerns there. I am asking you to stay away. Be brave and do so. Read the top post on this blog today. You are out of here.

KJ said...

As an Anglican neophyte (I was going to say a "relative" Angligcan neophyte, but scurrilous assumptions might be made of my theology.), I must say that I have so much to learn.

Indeed, Anglicanism is not an entry-level faith.

I See You!

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