Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Padre Discovers A Missing Portion of the 1662 Book of Common Prayer

I haven't been posting here as I have been very busy today, plus I've been reading the posts at Fr. Jake's in regard to the BREAKER ANOINTING.

I apologize for thinking that those who prophesy and believe in the BREAKER ANOINTING should not call themselves "orthodox" Anglicans. Because of my childhood in the Assemblies of God church and my education by missionaries of the Southern Baptist, Church of the Nazarene, the Maranatha Bible-Believing, Fundamentalist, Soul-winning Baptist church, and the Assemblies of God at Okinawa Christian School, not to mention my education by Louis Weil, I was quite sure that Thomas Cranmer and Richard Hooker and the other Dead English Guys probably didn't prophesy or get woo-woo- visitations. I wrote my M.A thesis on the Standards of the Book of Common Prayer (one heck of a boring thesis), but it was the Book of Common Prayer of the Episcopal Church in the United States of America. However, being the obsessive-compulsive kinda guy I am, I did a lot of research. While digging through my notes I discovered this document, which was supposed to be part of the 1662 Book of Common Prayer, which, as we all know, is the Only True Book of Common Prayer for Orthodox Anglicans (at least until the folks in Abuja finish up their revision). It was omitted by a Printer's mistake, and, since the deadline was approaching, it was decided to approve the Book of Common Prayer without this sevice. I present this as part of my penance.

Order for a Service of Holy Ghost Revival

So many as intend to be participants in the Service of Holy Ghost Revival shall signify their names to the Curate at least some time the day before.

If a Minister be persuaded that any person who presents himself to be a participant in the Service of Holy Ghost Revival ought not to be admitted thereunto by reason of malicious and open contention with his neighbours, or of an outrageous fear of snakes, or of a tendency to "really go over the top" in his enthusiasm, he shall give an account to the Ordinary of the place, and therein obey his order and directions, but so as not to refuse participation of any person until in accordance with such order and direction he shall have called him and advertised him that in any wise he presume not to attend the Holy Ghost Revival.
The day before said service of Holy Ghost Revival, the Deacon shall go into the countryside and collect serpents and vipers of a poisonous nature. Said serpents and vipers are to be kept in a cage in the sacristy until the service of the Holy Ghost Revival. The Acolyte shall prevent young boys from prodding said reptiles with a stick or teasing them with gifts of field mice and small toads.
The drapes of the church shall be of a strength which shall be able to hold the weight of two grown men of great stature. A carpet shall be placed in the aisle of the church to prevent harm from those who are led to roll down the aisle.
The table and all candles shall be moved to A Safe Place, where they shant be knocked over or rendered askew.

The priest shall say:
How many people heah loves the Lord? Can I hear an Amen?!!
People AMEN!!!
Celebrant How many here tonight knows de Holy Ghost gonna come with a FIYAH?!!!
Celebrant How many folks heah knows the Holy Ghost wan' dem to JUMP?!!
The congregation will now dance, scream, roll down the aisles, swing from the drapes, and speak in unknown tongues, until the grains in the hour glass reach the three-quarters mark
Celebrant Who is ready to show their faith? Who is ready to show their trust in tha LAHD??!!??
The Deacon shall bring out the snakes
Celebrant Moses lifted a snake in the wilderness and peoples was healed!!The Lord promised us that if we gots faith the snake bite and the scorpion can not harm us!!! Who heah tanite gots dat faith????
Celebrant Deacon, bring out the snakes!!! The Spirit is here!! THE SPIRIT IS HERE!!! WHO HAS FAITH??? IT'S THE BREAKER! IT'S THE
BREAKER ANOINTING!!!! WE GONNA BE RICH!!!! WE GONNA BE RICH!!!!!! Thurifer, keep that thing outta here; it scares the snakes!!! No bells, either. NO BELLS, EITHER!!!! And wipe that spittle off your face!!
The Fragment endeth here


Anonymous said...

Oh my yes, oh my yes, I feel the sturrings when introduced to the real stuff...ooow, it's deep, it's heartening and it's zefty...I love zefty "feelings" when they go a pour'n and rise'n and a rippe'n through my formerly heartless heart that was all smudged upon with sins of my own mischieviousness...them snakes, they just hit the spot.

Time to rest up for the morn'n clens'n and spew-a-thon.

Harrod Harvey-Nichols Gomez

Lapinbizarre said...

I'm not sure that hysterical laughter this close to bedtime is good for me.

David |däˈvēd| said...

Padre, I do not see the part of the fragment that refers to getting spit flecked. You promised me spit flecked. More than once.

I even quoted you about it at Padre Jakes yesterday.

Padre Mickey said...

Quit whining, David; you got the part about the smoke and the bells scaring the snakes; well, it's inferred. Comedy has do been done just right.

Padre Mickey said...

¡Feliz Ahora, David!

Grandmère Mimi said...

Brothah Mickey, ah can feel that the powah of da Lawd is wit' ya tonight. Ah feel it thru da tubes. Whooo! Whooo! I can see ya rollin' down da aisle. Whooo!

Paul said...

I really don't mind handling snakes but have long since been at a stage of life where drooling on my pillow is more than enough spittle-flecking for me. I thought my journey from Protestant excess into Anglican sobriety would free me from such carryings on but evidently the grass is nor greener nor the worship done more decently and in order.... I may become a hermit.

Kirstin said...

No words--I'm laughing too hard.

David |däˈvēd| said...

Perdoname Padre, for I am but a spit flecked sinner of my own making.

Anonymous said...

Said serpents and vipers are to be kept in a cage in the sacristy until the service of the Holy Ghost Revival...

Ah and in the case of abandonment of serpents and vipers you use those nice local bred Igunas? I remember you've embraced/entertained Igunas in your sacristy...don't try and kid a kidder, Padre, because around here we worship live volcanos and slender lady (with full ratted hair) line drawings turned into reflective decals for flanking "Dios Amor" bold lettering on bus/truck windows...sturring body and soul takes on many shapes?

I. Pervington Zebrinski-Hoopla

Anonymous said...

I just love the look of fascinated/dimness (or all out dullness) that the women seated near the Revsnaker has on her face.

No close ups please.

Nancy Regan Bloomingdale-Sepulveda

John said...

Actually, Padre, this liturgy survived in my part of the world --it was a regular part of first-Sunday worship inthe Shenandoah Valley...

David |däˈvēd| said...

Querido Padre, I am a slothful and unrighteous servant.

I finally realized today, two days later, that you have "discovered" yet one final line to the fragment!


Alcibiades said...

No Padre, I'm with david on this one. Us Sydney clergy are made to study Cramner very closely proir to ordination, and I distinctly recall him specifying a rubric that determines "the Minister shallt be garbed in a plain cassock, wherefore the Service of Holy Ghost Revival is to be flecked with the spittle of the same thereupon"

This has of course led to serious argument: does the rubric imply the spittle is that of the Holy Ghost, or of the Minister?

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