Friday, June 20, 2008

Friday Red Mr. Peanut And Gallito Mescalito Blogging: GAFCON The Musical!

GAFCON, The Musical!

Big Pete gazes into the distance and sings. . .

Tune: Deep River

Oh, GAFCON,
We’re meetin’ o’er in Jordan!
Oh GAFCON, Lord,
Do you have your Pilgrim number?

Oh, don’t you want to go
To that Donatist Feast,
Instead of Lambeth, where
The Impure meet?

Oh, GAFCON,
We’re meetin’ o’er in Jordan!
Oh GAFCON, Lord,
Do you have your Pilgrim number?


Oh, don’t you want to be
Where the women know their place,
Where the ACC or TEC
Don’t dare show its face?

Oh, GAFCON,
We’re meetin’ o’er in Jordan!
Oh GAFCON, Lord,
Guess I'm goin’ Jerusalem!

MONTHS BEFORE BIG PETE’S SONG. . .



+The Pitts Hey, Jackie Boy, ‘sup?
+Jack the Spiker Well Bub, I’m quite upset. TEC has a woman for Pee Bee, and the Faith Entrusted to the Saints, for which you and I have struggled So Long, is in danger.
+The Pitts You’re right, Spikey; wimmens and gays are everywhere, destroying The True Church and threatening our Vital Essence.
+Jack the Spiker What, oh, what kin we do, Bubby? I hear that gay stuff is infectious, and next thing ya know, EVERBUDDY loses the strength in their wrists!
+The Pitts Hey, look, John Davey’s here. Maybe he has an idea to save us all from teh Gay and Eternal Damnation (without losing the silver!).


+John Davey Gennelmens!
+The Pitts Bishop John Davey, you’re a Holy Man, well respected throughout the Entire Anglican Communion!
+John Davey Quite true, just ask me!
+Jack the Spiker The mos’ holy Anglicun Camunion is goin’ to Heck inna Hanbaskit! What can we do to protect our folk from that Evil Woman?
+John Davey Well. . .



Tune: There Is A Rose In Spanish Harlem

There is a guy in Argentina
A bishop down in Argentina
If you’re agin’ W.O., and Gays have caused you woe
You can join with him and help his Province grow
Without you even leaving
Those buildings that you covet and want to keep
Out of the hands of the Pee Bee.....

There is a guy in Argentina
A bishop down in Argentina
And though the Canons say Provincial bounderayes
Are limited to Chile, Bolivia, Peru, Uruguay
Argentina and Paraguay
SJ, Pittsburgh, and Fort Worth,
May find a home there anyway

There is a guy in Argentina
La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la
A bishop down in Argentina
La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la
There is a guy in Argentina
La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la
A bishop down in Argentina
La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la


+The Pitts and +Jack the Spiker What a great idea! We’re going to the Province of the Sugar Cone!
+John Davey Wait boys, you must come to our Glorious Pilgrimage first!
+The Pitts and+ Jack the Spiker YAY! WE’RE GOIN’ TA GAFCON!!!!!



+The Pitts and +Jack the Spiker Hey, Mrs. Zeta-Schori! We’re goin’ to GAFCON. THEN we’re movin’ to the Province of the Sugar Cone! ‘Cuz you’re a girl and have cooties and ‘cuz we wanna struggle for the Faith Entrusted to the Saints against your girly, homo-lovin’ church! Waddaya say to that?!?!?!?!!

++The Most Reverend Katharine Zeta-Schori (sigh) Do you two have any idea what exactly IS the Faith Entrusted to the Saints?
+The Pitts and +Jack the SpikerYes: NO GIRLS OR HOMOS AS CLERGY AND EVERY DANG WORD OF THE HOLY BIBLE IS TRUE!!!!! Waddaya say to that, lady?



++The Most Reverend Katharine Zeta-Schori (Really Big Sigh) Well, all I can say is:
Tune: Go Now (The Moody Blues)
We've already said...
"Goodbye"
Since you gotta go
Oh, you had better go now
Go now, go now, go now
Before you see me laugh

I want you to tell me
Just what you intend to do now
'Cause how many times
Do I have to ask you, boys, boys,
Just what’s wrong with you now, oh oh oh oh

We've already said...
"So long"
I don't want to see you go
Oh, you had better go now
Go now, go now, go now
Don't you even try
Telling me that you really don't want me to end this way
'Cause boys, boys
Can't you see you really want to stay?

Since you gotta go
Oh you had better go now
Go now, go now, go now
Before you see me laugh
I want you to tell me
Just what you intend to do now
'Cause how many times
Do I have to ask you, boys, boys
Just what’s wrong with you now, oh oh oh oh
I don't want to see you go
But boys, maybe
You better go now



+The Pitts and +Jack the Spiker Nutin´s wrong with us! In fact, everything about us is RIGHT! And you know why that is? ‘Cuz:

Tune: Jesus Loves The Little Children

No one’s holier than we are
No one’s holier than we
Red, and Yellow, Black, and White
Unless you’re with us, you’re not right
No one in the Communion’s holier than we!


No one’s purer than we are
No one’s purer than we
You can’t meet with us, you see
‘Cuz you all have gay cooties
No one in the Communion’s holier than we!



Entire GAFCON Participants That’s True! And that’s why. . .

Tune: Swanee (chorus)

Schism, how we love ya, how we love ya,
Our own big schism!
We’d give the world to see
No more of TEC, ACC and Cof E
Or those other folks who won’t obey
Our latest letter!
The folks up north will see us no more’
Cuz we’re all headed out the door!!!!


¡El Penguino! Hey! Hasn’t any one ever told you guys that Broadway Musicals are teh Gay?!?!?!?


Everybody What? OH NOES!!!1!
Trumpet Bwah-wah-wah-waaaaaaaaaaah!

23 comments:

Jane R said...

{still choking with laughter}

Caminante said...

¡Excelente! You nailed it. Bravo.

doug said...

Love it!!!!!!!!

susan s. said...

Yes, I agree with all the above folks....Choking. Bravo, Love it!!!!!!!!!!

Grandmère Mimi said...

Your masterpiece, Padre. A thing of beauty. Is there no limit to your genius?

David |däˈvēd| said...

BRAVO!

Anonymous said...

There has been good performed here, there has been excellence in the Arts achieved here, but this, of Dear Padre Mickieth is a fine bit of genuinus if I ever saw/hear one...bless your tunes!

APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE

Senorita Sally Dangerfield
(formerly Sebastian before the "changeover" in Belfast)

Tune: Swanee (chorus)

Schism, how we love ya, how we love ya,
Our own big schism!
We’d give the world to see
No more of TEC, ACC and Cof E
Or those other folks who won’t obey
Our latest letter!
The folks up north will see us no more’
Cuz we’re all headed out the door!!!!

Anonymous said...

Padre, this is brilliant. I am still laughing. Marilyn

Boaz said...

Very funny and SO COLOURFUL, which is surely the GAfCON spirit!

Göran Koch-Swahne said...

Brilliant!

-frank said...

Oops, laughed so much my stomach hurts. Brilliant!

Kirkepiscatoid said...

Wow! It's better than "Cats!" (wild foot-stomping applause)

pj said...

I laughed, I cried, it was better than Marat/Sade. I'm gonna see it twice more times!

Counterlight said...

The neighbors called the cops because I was howling with laughter. Love the little miters. I thought Miss Egyptian Hippo of Love was a great Bishop Zeta-Schori.

Alan Rogers said...

I suggested to Father Christian that I could write the hymns for his church. Padre Mickey. this is SO much better than stuffy hymns. What a masterpiece!!!!

KJ said...

Tell the cast to settle down. Only fabulous musicals are gay.

johnieb said...

Wonderful! Glorious! Marvelous!

Pierre R. Wheaton said...

There's a Tony in your future. Padre!!!

Anonymous said...

Sheer genius! I'm still laughing.

Josh Indiana said...

It's very good (for a padre), but what this show really needs is a showstopper by Robert Goulet!

If ever I would leave you
it wouldn't be for homos
Seeing you with homos
I never would go!

Your hair filled with sunlight
Your lips red as flames
Your butt in some Speedos
From the last Gay Games

But if I'd ever leave you
it wouldn't be for homos
How I'd leave for homos I never will know
I've seen how you twirl it
when fall nips the air
I know how you girl it
And I must be there.

And could I leave you running merrily through this show?
Or on a winter's evening with your makeup by Day-Glo?

If ever I would leave you,
how could it be for Gafcon?
At the border checkpoint, where Laff-on's no go?
No, no, not in Jordan! Not Iran or Dubai!
Till Cantuar comes calling, buh-bye.

Paul said...

Belle and Maggie and I are merrily giggling. Great production! Will there be a road show? Will it come to NOLA? ABQ? I want me some tickets.

Doorman-Priest said...

What fun, what insight.

Padre Mickey said...

I believe that I must combine forces with Josh next time around.

I See You!

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