Friday, November 28, 2008

Friday Red Mr. Peanut Bank And Gallito Mescalito Blogging: Thanksgiving Edition

Last week Red Mr. Peanut Bank promised to tell Padre Mickey's twisted, totally warped enlightened version of the Myth of the First Thanksgiving. As we would never want a toy bank to go back on Padre's its word, we now present Padre Mickey's Dance Party's Friday Red Mr. Peanut Bank and Gallito Mescalito Blogging Players in The First Thanksgiving



Narrator Once upon a time, several centuries ago, there was a group living in England, who, having been driven insane by the more fringe elements of the Protestant Reformation, decided that everyone in England must believe as did they, be as pure as were they, and be just as grumpy. They were known as Puritans The majority of Believers in England disagreed, and made life even more miserable for these folks, until they finally left England for the Netherlands, where, soon tiring of a diet of chocolate, edam, and tulips, they made their way to The New World to make life miserable for Padre Mickey's relatives. Europe's favorite population decimator, small pox, had already cleared the way for the Pilgrims (as they were now called) so that there was plenty of room! Landing in an area they named Plymouth, after the place from which they had been evicted, their leader gave thanks to God. . .

Red Mr. Peanut Bank Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, that we have arrived safely in this heathen, yet almost empty land, where we are free to worship God in our own manner, and may make sure that everyone else worships God in our own manner, too!
Other Pilgrims Amen!


Narrator The Pilgrims soon met the indigenous inhabitants of the land. . .

Chompy's Chewed-up Squeaky Kitty Toy Hey dere, peoples wut don' look nuffin' like us! Watcha up to?
Red Mr. Peanut Bank We are the Pilgrims, and we have come to this nearly empty land to live in peace and worship our God in our own manner. We are trying to plant our crops. And what is your name, almost naked guy? And why are you wearing that feather?
Chompy's Chewed-up Squeaky Kitty Toy My name is Tisquantum, but you kin' call me Squanto. An' I weahs a feddah cuz it looks much coolah dan dat ting on toppa yer head! Uhm, ya know, dem seeds won't grow in dis climate.



Miss Egyptian Hippo of Love And how did you learn our tongue? Hast the Holy Spirit descended upon you to give you this gift? I doubt it, you being such a heathen savage!
Chompy's Chewed-up Squeaky Kitty Toy No, no Espíritu Santo. Sum sumbich white guy captured me and my friends Manida, Skidwarres, Nahanada and Assacumet a while back n' dragged us kickin' an screamin' in a big nasty boat to your pitiful island and taught us yer funny langige. But, like I sed, dem seeds won't grow in dis climate. . .
Miss Egyptian Hippo of Love Sir, these are the seeds our God commanded us to bring and plant!
Chompy's Chewed-up Squeaky Kitty Toy Well, dat's too bad 'cuz dey ain't gunna woik heah. Hey! Massasoit! Go grab some maize and some fish. Let's show dese rubes howta do it, or dey gonna starve and be botherin' us all wintah for food!


Narrator And so Squanto and Massasoit and their people taught the Pilgrims how to plant corn and squash and pole beans and which nuts were safe to eat. . .

Mighty Moose of Vermont See, you dig a little hole,put a dead fishy in it, place a kernel of maize on top of the dead fishy, then cover it all up; make a little hill. Then move over about eight inches and do it again.
¡El Penguino! 'sup with the dead fishy?
Mighty Moose of Vermont It fertilizes the maize so you get a nice, big, healthy plant. And it's not as nasty as that manure your people use!
¡El Penguino! Heh! You savage! Poop is great!
Mighty Moose of Vermont Yeah. Sure. So, why aren't you wearing a hat with a buckle on it?
¡El Penguino! I AM wearing one. It's just so tiny you can't see it with your heathen eyes.
Mighty Moose of Vermont Oh-kay. So, dig another hole, take a dead fishy. . .


Narrator Eventually, the song of Harvest Home was raised, all was safely gathered in, ere the winter storms began, and the Pilgrims decided to thank the Lord of the Harvest with a feast. . .

Fuzzy Southern Mountain Moose An weyul invaht Squanto an' hiyus friens', too, as theyah wuah SUCH a biyguh haylp!
Red Mr. Peanut Bank That's a great idea. What will be the main course? We don't have any cattle for roast beef, and they eat venison all the time.
Gallito Mescalito Shrie--cough, cough--er, gobble gobble!
Fuzzy Southern Mountain Moose Hmm, thayut maht be reyul good!
Red Mr. Peanut Bank Er, how about pumpkin soup in the pumpkin? That could be Very Elegant!




¡El Toro! Yoohoo! Mr. Pavo!
Crocagator Heh Heh Heh Thanksgiving dinner.
Gallito Mescalito Gobble gobb--¡¡¡SSSSHHHHHRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!!!




Red Mr. Peanut Bank Well, we're gathered together to ask the Lord's blessing, you at your table and we at ours, as we really can't be mixing with the likes of you. You know, He, the Lord, hastens and chastens, His will to make known!
Chompy's Chewed-up Squeaky Kitty Toy Really! Well, ya know, we gots a little diff'rint teolugie an' understandin' of da Great Spirit! Ya see, WE believes dat. . .
Red Mr. Peanut Bank No one wants to hear your heathen ideas! We came here to worship God in OUR OWN MANNER, and we expect everyone else to worship God in our own manner, too! Now eat your pumpkin soup!


Narrator' And everyone gave thanks to God, with heart and hands and voices, and ate and had a wonderful time.

Chompy's Chewed-up Squeaky Kitty Toy Well, dat was great! burb See ya next yeah!
Red Mr. Peanut Bank Don't count on it!




Miss Egyptian Hippo of Love What hath the Lord in store next for the Pilgrims in His Divine Plan?
Red Mr. Peanut Bank Well, we survived our first year and survived dinner with the Heathen Savages. Now it's time to get to work! Time to start taking their land and pushing their sorry heathen bottoms West until they can go West no further!




Gallito Mescalito Gobble Gobble!, er, ¡¡Shrrriiieeekk!!

8 comments:

David |Dah • veed| said...

OK I am real cornfused.

I thought that Fuzzy Wuzzy Stoned Mountain Mouse was a girl! She talks so femmy and all. But she was wearing a Pilgrim Hat and not a Pilgrim Bonnet. Is she a cross-dresser to boot?!?

Otherwise,
Bravo!

Bravo!

Encore!

Padre Mickey said...

David, blame it on my cheap production values. I couldn't get the bonnet to work on the moose, only for the hippo, so she got a hat instead.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

It's brilliant, as always, Padre. I always enjoy your production, however cheap. They are priceless to me.

Leonardo Ricardo said...

¨It's just so tiny you can't see it with your heathen eyes.¨ El Penguino

Startled me for a momento...but now that I´m calm again, I´d like to report my deep, and justified, concern for Gallito Mescalito and the wearing of that Gobble Gobble costume! It is clear that Gallito was spared this year but Lord only knows what those Pilgrims are capable of for next year for the cookpot and pagent¡¡Shrrriiieeekk...by the way, I´m of two minds regarding the Early Settlers from England...since I´m related to them on my Moms side I can report that AFTER they got over themselves in Virginia and went West, finally, we became a fully intigrated family, via a half Pawnee greatgrandma my greatgrandpa hooked up with on the trek going West...sometimes, things do workout, but my Grandma, her daughter, hated my English Dad right up until her end...she had ¨lost¨ her relutance to tell him what she really thought as senality set in...it was quite amazing...she swore at him everytime he entered the room...very nasty language, I was startled to realize that´s where my WAR CRY comes from...it´s natural for a passionate part Pawnee like me.

A little Thanksgiving Story (and they were ALL Anglicans, CoE and Episcopalians too).

Tara Mobley said...

Heh. Pretty much what I expected. I am pleased.

susan s. said...

Great acting by one and all!

Cany said...

Ah yes, the timeless debate on how we think of TG.

I AM thankful for many things, but the historical account of all this isn't one of them (except, of course, for your fine production).

Thank heavens we don't do all that weird 'be like me' stuff anymore... err, maybe thank heavens we don't do it in that way. er,

What we are STILL doing it? oy.

Jane R said...

Miz Fuzzy Southern Mountain Moose, being a strong Southern Womyn, does a little cross-dressin' now and again. But she is always, always a lady. A lady moose, that is.

How's she managing in Spanish?

Your word recognition thingie says "halante," which looks Spanish!

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