Wednesday, September 03, 2008

I Don't Understand


Where is James Dobson? Where is Pastor Hagee? Where is Rick Warren? Where is Bishop Duncan? Where are the FOCAS? Where are the folks at Titus 1:9, Stand Firm in Faith, and David Virtue's House of Pain? For heaven's sakes, WHERE IS THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT?
John McCain actually welcomed that fornicator Levi Johnston to Minnesota! They are allowing these two fornicators, Levi and Bristol, to parade about the Republican National Convention with NO SHAME AT ALL! Let's face the facts: even though Levi and Bristol's families claim that they are going to be married, the fact is that Bristol must be stoned in front of her father's house, as she will not be a virgin when they marry. Thus saith the Lord in Deuteronomy 22:20-21: If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing . . . by being promiscuous while still in her father's house. You must purge the evil from among you (proof-texted version of the New International Version of the Holy Bible). GOD'S HOLY WORD DEMANDS THAT THE HOLY MEN OF WASILLA, ALASKA, START COLLECTING BIG, HONKIN' ROCKS!!! The only way they can avoid this is by Levi and Bristol NOT GETTIN MARRIED! Where are the Most Holy Primates of the Global South when you need them?

14 comments:

Matty Boy said...

Preach it, father. And for James Dobson, he's written books that say working mothers are a plague worse than the frogs, but not quite as bad as the locusts.

Fuck a governor's drunken daughter, meet a war hero. Such a deal!

Kirkepiscatoid said...

Not to mention, at the Republican National Convention, you know cotton-poly blend will be everywhere...and that two fibers mixed together is a no-no, too!

johnieb said...

Two fairly typical stupid American Teenagers, who didn't for a second think they would be international news five months later, any more than they thought of birth control.

Now, they are the news event of the week, thanks to her mom's relentless ambition and the insatiable Republican lie machine. It's unconscionable behavior, but not on the part of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston.

Sarah Palin makes Angela Lansbury's character in *The Manchurian Candidate* look like a wholesome and loving mother.

FranIAm said...

These two are going to become the sanctimonious saints of the religious right - gettin' married and makin' shit right.

What a mess.

I do feel like the right is closing ranks around them and making us look like the whores of Babylon.

Cany said...

well, you should have read Levi's published facebook! Boy oh boy!

And, BTW, stated he did not want kids.

Well, dear, remember all that um... well that produces kids.

Religious right at its most hypocritical best.

And, BTW, they played the worst of the worst music at this convention... geez.

Paul said...

You say "whores of Babylon" like that's a bad thing, Fran.

We all now that the teen pregnancy rate is higher where abstinence only is the norm (and in red states and in hyper-religious enclaves). So these kids are not in the least atypical. Conservative, religious, small-town types have been incorporating kids like this in their society for a very long time, and on a daily basis. If they were stoned the population would drop drastically (and I don't mean because the fetus would not come to term either).

So long as they surrender their individuality to the collective norms they will be just fine. Marry too young, raise the baby, have some more, limit options for the future, become cogs in the wheels of "nice" society.

If she chose to have the baby and NOT marry, then there would be a problem. Were he not a white sports star, there might be a problem. Were they not to go along with the political machine and Sarah's ambition, then there would be a problem.

And, as Padre knows only too well, when one reads the Bible selectively only the homos get stoned, not the breeding sluts, and cotton-poly abominations abound.

Jesus must be puking his guts out tonight.

Fred Schwartz said...

Sometimes music says it best:

Little ditty about jack and diane
Two american kids growin up in the heartland
Jackies gonna be a football star
Diane debutante backseat of jackies car

Suckin on chilli dogs outside the tastee freeze
Diane sittin on jackies lap
Hes got his hands between her knees
Jackie say, hey diane lets run off
Behind a shady tree
Dribble off those bobby brooks
Let me do what I please
And jackie say a

Chorus:
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone they walk on

Jackie sits back reflects his thoughts for a moment
Scratches his head and does his best james dean
Well you know diane we oughtta run of the city
Diane says, baby you aint miss no-thing
Jackie say a

Chorus:
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone

Gonna let it rock
Let it roll
Let the Bible belt come down
And save my soul
Hold on to 16 as long as you can
Changes comin round real soon
Make us women and men

Little ditty about jack and diane
Two american kids doin the best they can

Matty Boy said...

Well, Fred, our musical tastes are different.

The local kids are all sniffing glue, There ain't much else for kids to do
On Rain Street.

Leonardo Ricardo said...

"Sarah Palin makes Angela Lansbury's character in *The Manchurian Candidate* look like a wholesome and loving mother"

Oh, I don't know, I think she is more like Angela Lansbury's performance as the "meatpie" making baker (she made those pies out of the meat of fellow human beings)...either way, busy, busy!

susan s. said...

My guess is that they will wait until after the baby is born and she will have a lovely white dress that fits her form perfectly. That's the way it's done nowadays...

Caminante said...

If the daughter had come out they wouldn't be so lovey dovey about them. As long is it's the man-woman thing, it's OK. Such hypocrisy.

Padre Mickey said...

You're right, Caminante; if she had come out, they would be having a fit. That ain't the kinda change they wants! Although, you must admit, if Bristol became pregnant by another woman, well, we'd have a lot more to talk about!

And Fred, my brother in Christ, sometimes music does say it best, however, around here we say: not when it involves the Eagles, Coldplay, post-Syd Barrett Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac, or Johnny Cooler Melonhead. It's a joke, son; you can post whatever you want, as long as it isn't boring or about buttsex

David |Däˈvēd| said...

Well, I will be spittle flecked and snake handled, there are songs about butt-sex, Padre?

Paul said...

Try not to get too excited, David. (And when you find them, be sure to send me a list of titles.)

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