What I Heard Last Night

The Lovely Mona and I saw just a little bit of the ABC Sarah Palin interview with Charles Gibson. Actually, we saw the part where she was asked about the Bush Doctrine and started shoveling the Bull Manure like a student-with-no-idea-of-the-answer during an oral exam.

Here is my version of her reply to a question she wasn't asked:

"What makes me ready to be president if, God forbid, that old guy is hellbent to drop dead, Charlie? If, Charlie, he blinks but is unable to open his eyes again, Charlie, because he's as dead as a moose in my garage? In what respect, Charlie? Are you, Charlie, asking me whether U.S. Americans understand Foreign Charlie Policy? Because, Charlie, I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, Charlie, and, I believe that they should, Charlie, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children, Charlie. And, actually, Charlie wink we don't need maps because we can see Russia from Alaska, Charlie, which makes me an expert on Foreign Policy, just like looking out my window and seeing the moon from my house in Wasilla, Charlie, makes me an astronaut. You see, Charlie, I will be the first hockey-mom-astronaut-lipstick-wearing-pittbull president Vice-president, and to ignore that fact, Charlie, is hellbent on being sexist. Terrorists are hellbent on destroying our nation. We must do whatever it takes. We must not blink, Charlie. Terrorists are hellbent on destroying America and making us blink, Charlie, and we must not blink. If we blink, Charlie, we won't be able to see Russia from Alaska, and then it will all be lost. You know what else causes blinking, Charlie? Putting mascara on a pig, Charlie. Lipstick, Charlie, is bad enough, but mascara and eye-liner and terrorists hellbent to put eyeshadow on a pittbull causes lots of blinking, Charlie, and that puts us in danger. And that's why winning in Afghanistan is so blinking important, Charlie. Oh, Charlie, and Iraq too. We, Charlie, have to, Charlie, win in, Charlie, Iraq, Charlie, and, Charlie, Afghanistan, Charlie. Charlie-Charlie-Charlie-Charlie-hellbent-hellbent-hellbent-hellbent-Charlie-don't blink-don't blink-don't blink-don't blink-blinkity-blinkity-blinkity-blink-blink!!! President's World View, Charlie!"