When I was a boy in the Assemblies of God church, all the big kids, like my Aunt Sally and Davey Schnieder and their friends were reading The Cross and the Switchblade. I read it, too, because I was a Book Worm and read everything I could get my hands on. It was popular amongst the Pentecostal/Evangelical/Fundy teens because it was the only book your parents and pastor would let you read that was full of drugs and violence and wicked, evil, pre-marital sex. Everything I knew about the drug-addict lifestyle and heroin came from that book, well, at least until I was 17 and did my own, er, "research." cough But I digress. . .
Well, today I was relaxing by surfin' the web, man like all the Kool Kids Do, and I stopped by Bartholomew's Notes on Religion, a site at which I have not stopped in a while. If you are interested in religion and don't read his blog, you really should start; he finds lotsa weird stuff, which, as we all know, is pretty dang easy to do with the subject matter. But I digress. . . So I was catching up on the crazier aspects of religion when I came across this. This was the first I'd heard of David Wilkerson's "prophecies." Heck, I didn't know he was still alive; I thought he would have died of shame after the release of that Pat Boone movie based on his book. It appears that the Lord has been giving Big Dave visions, and they have to do with lotsa fiy-ah, er, fire. I'll be honest with you folks (just like Jesus in this morning's Gospel reading!): I don't believe in prophecy; I don't believe anyone actually sees the future, and I certainly don't believe that God told David Wilkerson that God wantsta burn down the U.S.A. According to Big Dave the Preacher Man, God's been telling him this for 10 years.
This stuff reminds me of another book which was very popular during my teenage years, The Late, Great, Planet Earth. "Gog and Magog are the U.S.S.R.!" "The Bible is all about how God loves the U.S.A. but since we've turned from God and the gold standard we're gonna get it!" (Hmmm, I may have misinterpreted that last part). Hal Lindsey was all over the dang place, telling us all that The End Is Near and he had proof onnaccounta he could read the signs. But, hmmm, nothing he predicted happened. Heck, the dang U.S.S.R. freakin' Gog and Magog fell apart and Jesus didn't even come back. I guess the Lord has decided to Tarry. But being wrong hasn't stopped Hal Lindsey; he's yet to figure out that maybe he should just
And NOW we have people who believe that December 21, 2012 will be the end of the world. And this makes total sense, because, even though all calendars are man-made, the date 12/21/12 looks really cool (plus 12+21+12=45, which is the speed at which The Record of the Same Name must be played even though it is a 12" record; wait! there's that 12 again! Oh man, you can't ESCAPE THIS!), so that means it'll happen. Plus the ancient Mayans or the Bible Code or the I Ching or the Book of the Hopi or Nostradamus or Edgar Cayce or Merlin or yer Aunt Blanche predicted it, so it's gonna happen. No, really, you know it's true onnaccounta people like Mel Gibson and Shirley MacLaine and Montell Williams said so, so there. Plus the gravitational pull of Planet X and Nibiru are, like, influencing us and mucking it all up. Yer all gonna die and the End Is Near.
I personally believe that the world will end when I die, but, of course, all that means is that the world will end for me. 'cept I'm goin' to heaven so, nyah nyah nyah. But I digress. . . .
Hey, you know what would make
Here Endeth the Rant