Señorita Chompita Wiggletail responds to an open letter from Little Eddie of Kirkepiscatoid fame
¡Hola, Little Eddie! ¿Qué tal?
Padre and the Lovely Mona lets me take a glance at la computadora so that I seed your fóto. You are muy guapo. You have a nice face. It looks fluffy. I likes me some fluffy. You have a little bone medallion. ¡Qué priti! I don't have to wear anything like that 'cuz I am Panameña.
Do you live in the house? I lives in the house. I go for walks with the Lovely Mona, and sometimes with Padre. The Big Park is my favorite baño. Everyday I bark at the squirrel. Do you bark at the squirrels? They are bad. They steal mangos. I bark at the garbage mans. They are bad. They steal our precious garbage. Do you bark at the garbage mans? I also bark at invisible things to keep in practice.
I likes to eat whatever Padre eats. I likes to sit on the couch between Padre and the Lovely Mona so that she won't lean on Padre. I likes to play with the dog toys. I have many dog toys. They are famous. Bunrab, the Filthiest Toy in the House is my favorite, but I chewed him up real good and he don't gots no more stuffin. Also, he don't gots no more face. What he does gots is big holes and tears in him's fluffy body.
You can be my boyfriend. I don't never get that operashun 'cuz it costes lots a monies in Panama. Plus, I reject all the boys here. You can be my boyfren 'cuz you is far away.
If you love me you can sen' me squeaky dog toys.
Here are some fótos of me, Your Sweet Darlin'.
Here I am at la computadora
Here I am tinkin' 'bout whatcha ritanated
Here I am wif the crocagator. He is very squeaky
I play wif dem toys. I play wif dem hard