Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Padre Mickey Switches On To "Get Off My Lawn!" Mode
Okay, this is a BIG CONFESSION, especially to my foodie friends, but sometimes, when one has had a long, hard, day, one wants a meal that doesn't take four freakin' hours to cook. That's right, sometimes I just don't feel like toasted cumin seeds and grinding them or making my curry sauce from scratch (although Padre Mickey's Powerful Curry POWdah makes curry making a breeze! Not Available in the Continental United States; for Panamanian Episcopalians only!). SOMETIMES a guy just opens a can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup™ for a gravy or sauce (I'm middle-aged so I use the Healthy Request™ version). Yeah, I have relatives in Minnesota, check it out! So I use Campbell's soup; kill me.
So, I've noticed that they've changed the bottom of the soup cans. Muchos años pasados, one would open the top of the CoMS can with the can opener and then the Clever Consumer would open the bottom of the can, pushing the can-shaped mass of grey-mushroomy-and-creamy goodness into the soup pot. But NOW they've got these stupid rounded bottoms (and I don't mean that in the good way) on the cans and we can't open them (not to mention that goofy pull-tab on the top! Don't get me started! Wait! I've already started. Never mind. . .) This is obviously a Capitalist Plot to prevent the Cream of Mushroom Soup consumer from getting every last greyish-gloopy drop of mushroom-and-creamy goodness. You can't get it all out of the can, no matter how hard you try. Did they do it to make it easier to stack cans on my grocer's shelf? My grocer doesn't stack the dang cans; my grocer purchased some kinda thingy which rolls the cans out on their sides. And what the heck to I care if they stack easier? I just wants my soupy-saucy-gravy action!
It's this kind of wickedness that is dragging our Once Great Nation into the Dust Bin of Soup Cannery. It must be stopped. Join me in harassing Campbell's incessantly with annoying emails and frivolous lawsuits. It's the Right Thing To Do!
I have just been informed by the Lovely Mona that these Capitalist Bastids have done the same thing to cans of pumpkin and, well you won't believe this IT IS SO SHOCKING! to CANS OF CRANBERRY JELLY!!!! My God! What kind of Thanksgiving is it when the cranberry jelly on the plate in the middle of the table doesn't show the sides of the can on it? Well, I guess it would be like our Thanksgiving, as I don't remember seeing any on those interesting treadmarks on the cranberry jelly this year. Never mind. . .
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