Saturday, February 17, 2007

From the Daily Diaries of Pets


This is great! I found it over at First Draft
Excerpts from a Dog's diary
Dog...

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite
  thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My
favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary :
Cat...

Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe....... for now...

4 comments:

Eileen said...

Mickey - This made my DAY!!! I am sitting here laughing hysterical all by myself!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Saint Pat said...

It's the funniest thing I've read lately. My ribs are sore from laughing.

My cats were not amused, however, and are put out they've had little time at the computer lately -- just enough to get Fancy Feast coupons online. They want to blog some more.

Reverend Ref + said...

OH MY ....

That was just too funny!!! Thanks for the pick me up.

Leonardo Ricardo said...

My comment disappeared (again)

repeat:

Laughing so hard it hurts!

I See You!

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